the road to happiness

I always say happiness is fleeting, that the goal is to be content in your life, and yourself. Often times I forget this and need a reminder. Today I took a step to my own happiness. I have been using Facebook for a long time, about 7 or 8 years. In that time I have missed out on little moments in my life because my face was blocked by a screen. My mind was on other things, checking in on people, and trying too hard to keep connections that should have been let go of after highschool. I'd walk away from it and think what a poor excuse for a mother/wife/friend/person I was. I'd compare my short comings in life and think I was lacking, always. It started to become something I did constantly. I started posting more and more things that just didn't need to be posted.

So I walked away. Yes scoff all you want but this was hard for me.I love reaching out to people. I love giving them love and support. I love seeing their children grow up. I love looking at people's pictures, and their lives. People watching from the safety of my home. I love knowing people care, recieving feedback, and support. It's nice to have a friendly hello when you really needed that. My photography was a huge confidence boost when I had literally 5people see a wedding I did and ask me for shoots. But is that really what I want right now? No. I wanted the life exerience, I wanted to show myself I could do it, and I did. This year I've done 11 shoots, something I never thought I was compitent in doing. I did it, and sure they aren't super fabulous, but they're ok. Each year I've set life goals for myself, and have been reaching them, this is such a growth for me.Anyway, my point is that while there is always something nice in keeping in contact with people, sometimes it's too much. Sometimes it's passive aressive (and I fully admit I can be that way as well, not proud of it) and sometimes down right nasty.

Today I loved my children, not that I hadn't before, but my phone wasn't right next to me.Today I took care of them while they were sick. Today I called a friend. Today I cooked a fabulous dinner. Today I read a little. Today I kissed my husband when he walked through the door without holding my finger up for a minute so I could read the latest meme, or ecard. Today I watched the leaves dance lazily down to the ground. Today I lived.

Not saying I haven't before but it feels like a weight has been lifted. I have to thank a friend for giving me this piece of advice. I feel so much better about myself, and am slowly letting go of the hurt, anger, and resentment towards myself. I'm letting go of a lot of things, and I'm feeling better and better about who I am. As always, One Step Closer...