Your past doesn't define who you are today. Sure it helped you get to this point, but who you are is based on your actions. Giving the past that kind of power only robs you of your authentic self today. Often we worry about the choices we are making, and sadly if it was a mistake it's a hop, skip, and a jump to "well my mother didn't love me" or "it's a habit, I've done this my whole life" only you have the power to change the course of your life. Living with excuses, and entitlement will only get you so far. It's experiences that shape us. It's the mistakes. It's learning, always learning. Open minds. Open hearts. And when you make a mistake, or someone you love does, be quick to give yourself or them a break. The past should never be used as a weapon, as a tool you save in your bank to use again when convienantly, and revenge rules out against providing the proverbial low blow, just to gain a point in the "who's right game". When you love your life playing that game you'll quickly find yourself alone, unconditional love and acceptance is key in a healthy relationships, where grudges and judgment should be checked at the door.
We all have our hurts, and a quote I recently saw rang true for me, "you don't own the worlds problems". How true! To take a step out of our own lives and see the view around us, the beauty, and the ugly parts, and to truly feel empathy is a quality everyone should have. Empathy is a understanding of others feelings, sympathy is feeling sorry for others. I want empathy from others, I don't ever want a day to go by where anyone feels sorry for me, I just want others to feel what I've felt. To give compassion, stepping outside the box and truly seeing me. Personal experience has lead me to realize that victimized thinking is everywhere, and cynically I feel most people will never truly grasp the affect (negatively) they have on one another's life by a simple act of anger or resement. On the positive side, becoming at peace with myself I've found a way of channeling the bad energy and making room in my life both superficially, and spiritually for more love to be accepted. Rather than dwell on the hurt I've felt from being absolutely thrown away and betrayed in some of the worst ways (and believe me there was hurt I just had to move past it, and am still working on that) I'm focussing on not what's most important (I feel that statement is mean in it's own right since it takes away from those who at one point were or are important to you) but what gives me light in my life, and who I can give light to. My family. They deserve the best parts of me, and in that they love me for all the faulty mechanics I'm made of.
So in conclusion I've made mistakes in my life, I'm proud of every single one of them. I do not hide behind my past for pitty, or personal gain, I learn from it. I have not sought out revenge for things that happened long ago, if I had there would be a broken heart here or there that I couldn't live with myself over. I will continue to move forward, all that matters is the people who walk beside me during it all. I may make mistakes, but I certainly don't fake perfection, not one ounce of my life is fake, the open book I've allowed people to read has had a few chapters closed off to those who have used things against me, I have learned that I am worth standing up for, and not to trust so easily. I trust with all my heart, and forgive quickly, but after one too many breaks in that bond my trust has given out, and that doesn't make me a bad person. Once again, I've learned. The next time I hear something about myself I will continue to do as I have, forgive, not stoop down and join in as they have, and as always-hold my head high and proud. I'm proud to be me.
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