Warrior woman

I'm at the point in my life where we are finished up having babies, I have to admit that when I was pregnant I felt like a warrior woman. Like I was capable of anything, as if I had super human strength. I did have super smell, and super boobs. I felt like a force to be reckoned  with. I don't think there has ever been a more powerful experience than when I was pregnant or having a baby, whether vaginally or by ceserean. I felt like I was at the very core of being a woman.

Now I'm searching for that feeling. I'm finding it in little ways by throwing myself into the kids, not that I haven't before but there was always a time where we were either planing to have another, trying, or full into a pregnancy, not to mention breast feeding. The hormonal roller coaster of it all was enough to really make me feel like a woman haha! I nurture my children, I get involved with their school either through the PTO or volunteering in their classes. I do little things like baking them a snack when they get home, helping with homework, or doing a fun craft. These are all the things I wanted as a little girl, all the big dreams I had for myself. I never knew what the aftermath of being a woman who would no longer feel the kick of a babies feet against her ribs would be. It's a hard realization when that's what my life mapped out mostly included. To say I'm missing it would be a understatement, I crave it. I'm lucky enough to have little ones so little that I can still rock them when I please. I find the same feeligs I get when they are cradled in my arms, or when they are in my lap looking at a book with me.

So to sum it up I'm on a path of finding myself, finding my place in this world as a woman. I'm getting to know myself, and always growing up. The cravings I have for the electric glow of carrying a child inside of me are coming out in facets of the girls lives. I am finding a great satisfaction in the new phases and experiences they are having and truly enjoying when we cross into a new one. If you asked me if I would ever get over not being able to carry a child again a year ago I wouldn't have a answer. Sure we wanted to be done, and the freedom that came with getting my tubes tied was a bridge that brought my husband and I closer than ever. But at the end of the day I had to find a way to make myself feel whole, content, and powerful within myself. I'm leaning about myself, just as a person. What I like, who I am, and where I want to be as the years pass on.

I want to be a good, loving mother
I want to be a nurturer
I want to be a loving wife
I want to help others
I want to like what I see in the mirror
I want to be independent
I want to be a good friend
I want to be content
I want to be authentic
I want to show love in all outlets of my life

I have a list in my mind of my goals, of each step along the way to the road of my content life. Most of those stepping stones consist of being a mother and a wife, which is a good thing since I'm a stay at home wife/mother. I am accepting parts of me that I don't like, and trying to better myself. Trying to be calm in situations where I'd usually loose it. I'm trying to be true to myself, and to others. I want to always better my life with Stephen, and our bond together. Through everything this life has thrown us we have made it through, together and stronger than before. It's always when I think it couldn't possibly get better between us that something comes along and shows me that it can.

So I'm on a mission of self discovery, in all avenues of me. So far I've succeeded in most ways it it will always need improvement. And I will always keep trying. We can never stop learning, and loving.