In my 9 years of being a mother (10 if you count pregnancy) I have learned some things. Some good, and some not so good. There are things I never would have imagined, and things I had to learn from experience. This is a open letter to mothers,both new and experienced, this is advice, and encouragement.
Dear mommies,
Welcome to the club! Pull up a chair for the next five minutes (scratch that, just read a few minutes here and there between your breaks of endless screaming demands from your newborn, or the thousandth question from your toddler, or the help you're so desperately trying to give the older one with their homework etc.) and listen to my words. You're ok. You will be ok. You are not a bad mother. You are not a bad mother when you don't know what your baby wants, we aren't programmed like the women on tv to just "know" what your baby wants. It comes with time, and experience, and even then you still might not know. You are not a bad mother if you haven't bathed the baby after they puked because they finally fell asleep. You are not a bad mother if your laundry is piled to the ceiling, and you litterally have to crawl over it to finally get into bed. You are not a bad mother if there are dishes in the sink, and a questional substance encrusted onto the plates. You're just tired. You're tired because you stayed up rocking your baby. You're tired because you had to help finish a last minute project that was due the next day. You're tired because while helping that child you also needed to get baking done for the bake sale in the morning and you had to run to the store on 5 different trips because while you were there your children thought it the best time to ask the deepest of philosophical questions, or grabbed anything within a six inch radius. You are not going crazy.
You're a good mom. There is no perfect mom, or perfect way to parent your littles. There's trial and error. When your five year old spits on their sibling or friend, and you're completely embarrassed by the looks other moms are giving you just know I've been there too. It doesn't mean they are destined to be a serial spitter, or a delinquent without a future. When other mothers whisper and diff at the miss matched socks, or unbrushed hair on you or your children, please understand that they too have been there, and somehwere along the way they mistakenly thought that putting down your abilities will some how make them feel better about theirs. When your house is trashed and you have a play date in a hour so you stuff whatever you can into a closet, a drawer, or a cabinet and buy cookies from the supermarket (gluten free of course!) placing them strategically on one of your plates and heating them five minutes before your guest will arrive so it looks like you're Betty freaking Crocker, I've been there.
Don't beat yourself up, or hold yourself to a higher standard. What looks perfect on the outside, isn't. Don't judge, don't judge another parent in a way of thinking they're better than you, or worse. The competition of mommy life is never ending, and well just plain exhausting. As I tell my girls, there will always be someone better at something you do, and always worse, the only thing you need to worry about is if you're content with yourself. Give yourself a break. I know about the time you lock the door and cry, or steal a few minutes of loving with your husband while the kids pound like wild animals on the door. I know about the times you had to smell your laundry to make sure it was clean. I know about the times you thought of running away. I know about the times you checked your kids at night to make sure they were still breathing. I know about the time you sent your child to school thinking they were faking being sick only to get a call from a not so happy nurse to come and get them because they just puked, and subsequently sprinkled the hall with the aroma of rotten spaghetti that came out of the can the night before because you were too tired to make a "real" dinner.
Love yourself. Your kids do. Celebrate small accomplishments like showering, or getting the kids out the door ON TIME! Celebrate the dinner you made. Celebrate coloring inside the lines while juggling fighting children. Celebrate snuggles with
the sick one on the couch when you should have
been getting other things done, or going to work. Celebrate working (if you do) and most of all celebrate yourself and any other mother out there. You both have it tough, but let's face it, you wouldn't trade a dirty face, sticky kiss, or crunchy hair for anything.
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