Look at the stars

As Allie and I sat outside tonight she kept saying "look at the stars mommy" sometimes I forget to. I bought her a tea set today and she has been having tea parties all day, even with our dog leela. Cute doesn't even describe it. Today I volunteered at the school making apple sauce with all the kids, it was super fun, and did wonders for me. As I was baking for the bake sale they're having tomorrow amidst all the crazyness and stress that I put myself under while doing such things, I realized I'm actually living the dream I always imagined for myself. I'm baking for a bake sale, as a little girl I dreamed of this day, of being a part of my childrens school, and being the cookie cutter mom.

Sure I'm not the picture perfect, squeaky clean mom I imagined for myself, but I'm doing it none the less. And I'm happy about it. It took that thought hitting me like a ton of bricks to calm down and just let it sink in. Very rarely do we get these moments in life, so I'm gonna save this one away for a rainy day. I joined back up with Facebook (hypocrite I know) and a mom on there was saying that she admires me, ME, I had to laugh. If she only knew she was one of the moms I often criticized myself about, one that I wished I was more like. It's strange the way other people view us, whether good or bad. And sad in a sense. But today I feel accomplished, and happy. My girls got their mom at their school, not just for a silly little party (that was about all I used to do) but as someone who was teaching them instead of their teachers doing it, and that felt good. I remember loving my mother being there with me during field trips, and wished she'd be a class mom, the war Sierra started kindergarten I became one. Sometimes it shocks me at how truly blessed I am. I need to keep this, and always be grateful.